My little girl....my little girl...my little girl.
Pretty much nothing else. I think about holding her, caring for her, teaching her, turning her(since she is breech), making her laugh, and just being able to start this amazing journey in my life.
I never realized the love of a mom. When I used to get mad at my mom, and yell back at her...wonder why she didn't just kick me out, and get annoyed with things she'd say... I realize now, why she always took me back, and always cared about me no matter what.
I put my mom through hell for awhile. I grew up in a very strict household. I was homeschooled and sheltered. I rebelled against it as I got older. I didn't want to be like that anymore. I thought my mom was wrong and she didn't know what's best for me... I did. And maybe she didn't, but she sure tried her hardest to show me the best that she knew.
Things piled on top of eachother and I eventually moved out and lived with my best friend for about a month. I hardly talked to my family at all during that time. I wasn't accountable to anyone. I could go where I wanted. Do what I wanted. No 10:30 curfew. It was great for awhile.
My dad came to visit me at work one day. I hadn't seen him in what seemed like forever. I started crying. I missed my parents. He didn't yell at me, or hate me. They wanted me to come home.
After all that?? After how awful I had been to them? Yes. They did.
I think that's when I realized how much they cared about me. And even though I had treated them so bad, they still loved me.
Where else do you find a love like that?
And what did I return them with, yet again? Another shocker...especially for a conservative family like mine. I found out I was pregnant with my boyfriend...whom they hadn't even met yet. I didn't tell them right away, but said I needed to move out. Even though, I didn't really want to, I knew I had to. I couldn't live there and be pregnant! I felt like they would hate me forever once they found out. I stayed with my friend for awhile but eventually moved in with Dan, my fiance now.
I stayed in good contact with my family now though. I thought that, since they would probably hate me when they found out about my situation, I would at least try and get closer to them. Because even though I did alot wrong, I deeply cared about my family and didn't love anyone more.
Then came the time that they found out. You can only hide a pregnant belly so long!
And what happened? Did they yell at me? Did they hate me??
No.... my mom immediately began showing me how to eat healthy to make the best baby possible. She gave me anything I needed to help, since I couldn't afford it. She of course, was upset and let me know it, but she didn't ex-communicate me or hate me like I expected.
this is the most beautiful poem ever. |
My wonderful mom.
I don't even have my baby yet, but I'm beginning to learn that deep love of a mother. I can't imagine anything I wouldn't do for this baby to be happy and healthy when she comes out. I'm scared to have a c-section, and I'm scared to tear during delivery, and I'm scared of the pain, but deep down, all I want is this little girl to come into this world safe and sound. I have stretch marks and they bothered me, but look what is coming of them! A beautiful child. My child.
The fact that a mother let's her body get huge and swollen for nine months to grow a baby...to go through so much discomfort for one other human being...then to dedicate the rest of her life to that child and worry about them every minute. It's indescribable. I feel SO blessed to be starting this. I know times will be rough, but I couldn't be happier.
Could I ask for a better job?